I feel I have been pushing myself on a search since I can remember, not just the profound kind of search, all sorts, mundane. What will happen if? how does it work? when? what? why blue? Always windows. Always sunny. Warm when possible. Nothing I can control.
This last months I have been very conscious of nail cutting. It has been the main time keeper. Time elapses and suddenly nails are too long again, and there cannot be much time between one nail cutting and the next but I can never remember the previous one exactly.
I feel a little overwhelmed, I try to make a pause, organize and simplify. Easy instructions.
How did it become a chaos...so many illusions and ideas materialized/objectified...I should just throw it all away but... and then yes... but... so a lot of things gone, a lot of things kept, a lot of thing uncategorized, outside and inside. Physical and abstract.
And I get a sense that I understand many things, I play the role of the observer, but then what I do not manage to grasp is what it is that I actually understand and what I don't. It is blurry, yet there is clarity.
My house which has been office and kitchens, abandoned, a gallery, inhabited, and abandoned, a pet center and hostel, inhabited and abandoned...
One more time I attempt to inhabit my house for a couple of months in the simplest of forms.
1 bed
5 clothes changes
1 plant
2 plates
1 spoon, fork, knife
sort of...
also a sort of little chaos...enjoyable processes...time...everything finds its own place.
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